As a soignee woman of the world, I follow fashion. And by “follow fashion” I mean I look at the photos from Fashion Week and try to figure out what the hell some of these designers were thinking when they created their new lines.
Take, for example, this look from Gypsy Sport (photo Stefania Curto for The New York Times)
What is the message here? “Just before reporting to duty as a cabin attendant for an intergalactic flight, Trissy goes on a three day bender. While drunk, she steals the payis of an elderly Hasidic rabbi. Before wearing them, she brings them into the salon for a wash, blow and keratin straightening. Meanwhile, she still can’t find her ‘lucky souvenirs’ keychain. She knows it’s around somewhere because she can hear it jingling.”
Then there’s this number from the
Good advice, Jeremy Scott but I’m already feeling the siren call of Valium.
And finally, there’s this get-up, part of a “woman on the street” photo montage by Craig Arend for the NYTimes.
I call it, “It Don’t Mean a Thing If You Ain’t Got that Static Cling.” This look says to me:”I found cheap accommodations in NYC! For a mere six quarters an hour (just $1.50!) , I’m living in an industrial clothes dryer in an upscale laundromat in a very desirable neighborhood.”
If you think you’re too old/too fat/too tired to wear it/do it/enjoy it, trust me…it’s not going to get any better! Seize the day, kiddies! Enjoy what you have now. Look at yourself in the mirror and appreciate where you DON’T have wrinkles and cellulite! (As well as the fact that you can still see yourself in the mirror!) If you can still bend down to tie your own shoelaces, celebrate by wearing a pair of crazy high-tops or lace up boots. Still ambulatory? Turn up the music and dance!
Life goes by fast. I know. In my head, I’m 27. In reality, I’m almost old enough to be a 27 year old’s grandmother.
Sixty is the new forty, baby! And by the time I get there, eighty will be the new thirty!
I LOVE to decoupage. My standard line is that if my husband sat still for more than five minutes, I’d decoupage HIM. Here are some pieces I made for myself, recently.
The bracelets are made from wooden tiles. The first one is covered in pages of a vintage manual on fixing boilers! (Great diagrams!) I added watch parts, crystals, wire, etc. It’s kind of steam punky. I’ve gotten a lot of complements on this one!
The second bracelet is covered with vintage maps (mostly Africa) plus some crystal for bling. If I ever find myself lost in the Belgian Congo, I’ll be able to find my way around.
The necklace is vintage maps decoupaged onto ping-pong balls. I stuck to places I’ve visited, so Africa, Asia and Europe. Now at least if someone is staring at my cleavage, he might actually learn something!
I had a very messy but fun time with these!
Screw Mies Van Der Rohe with his “Less is more” nonsense! Trust me, honey, when it comes to fashion, more is never enough!
If you’re like me, you have drawers and closets full of jewelry, scarves, accessories and accoutrements. That’s a lifetime of bling, and let’s face it, girlfriend, none of us is getting any younger. We could drop dead tomorrow.
What are you saving it for? You think maybe you’ll get invited to a coronation or the Academy Awards?
Wear it! Wear it all! Pile it on! An arm full of bangles! Cover your jacket in broaches! Stick a feather in your hat and call it macaroni, fer god’s sake. Just wear it. It doesn’t have to be in style. It only has to be YOUR style! Let them look at you and say, “Ohhhhh, now THAT’S an interesting way to wear it!”
Look, eventually we’re all gonna ascend to that great Atelier in the Sky. When your time comes, what will become of all the great stuff you’ve been hoarding for “the right occasion?” I’ll tell you: some clueless relative with taste worse than Donald Trump (OK, that’s not possible. But you get the idea) is going to scoop allllll your precious babies into a stained Fresh Direct box and haul it over to the local Goodwill. And then some stranger with fat ankles is going to attempt to cram her lower extremities into a that pair of gorgeous boots you never wore because you didn’t want to get them dirty. Some fashion victim with style up the tuchis is going to buy that beautiful silk scarf you were afraid to wear lest you lose it, and she’s going to wear it the way a Russian babushka wears a babushka. (And not in that elegant Jacki O way, either.) And that jaunty hat which you loved in theory but never wore because it messed up your hair? Some pseudo-ironic depressive goth chick with spiderwebbed stockings, black nail polish and a copiously pierced face is going to grab it, and wear it to her job waiting tables in a Williamsburg coffee shop.
The least you can do is make the most of every bit of it while you can!
As Max Bialystock says, “If ya got it, baby, flaunt it!”
Need more fabulous stuff? Check out www.kitschic.com. Oh yeah. You want it!
Writing about whatever the hell I feel like writing about.
Some of the most interesting people I meet are dead...
Sometimes all it takes to change your life is a different perspective // (c) 2011 all rights reserved